How we misuse the words “I feel bad” and the dangers of good manners by Ori Lenkinski

post image

When I think about the many times in which I have said, “I felt bad so I…” I realize that we program girls and women to use these words in the exactly wrong way. We should never do anything because we “feel bad.” If you feel bad it means something off is happening. It means someone is asking you to do something that makes you uncomfortable. Instead of going along with it because you feel bad, a red flag should go blazing into our consciousness. “I feel bad” or “I feel uncomfortable” should be a clear sign to cut and run or, at least, to proceed with extreme caution.Read more

Acts of Agency by Ori Lenkinski

post image

The moments in my life in which I have made the best choices have been the ones in which some inner force pushed me, obliged me to take full use of my agency. Dropping out of college was one but there were others. Leaving a volatile relationship, moving cities, quitting endless bad jobs, those moments in which I felt uncomfortable enough to stop doing something and get up and walk away. It isn’t that I condone quitting but I do support knowing when something isn’t right and listening to that voice.Read more

The Point of Parenting by Ori Lenkinski

post image

I know the evolutionary, genealogical point of having kids. They succeed us, pass on our genes into a future we will not be present for. They are a creation. They ensure the survival of the human species. All that is true. But what is the point for us, without thinking of anyone else? What do we gain or hope to gain from it?Read more

Parental PTSD by Ori Lenkinski

post image

Last week, I was planning on writing something about parental PTSD. I had run into a friend in the park whose son was struggling through phase-in in his first time in a nursery school situation. His mother told me, with tears in her eyes, that leaving him at school flashed her back to leaving him in the premature care ward in the hospital (we was born several weeks early).

I thought about all of the women I know who are carrying around some kind of traumatic baggage from their pregnancy, attempts to conceive, birth and afterwards.

And then my younger daughter broke her arm.Read more

The Lost Leading the Lost by Ori Lenkinski

post image

I am my children’s leader and their faith in me is a key element in our relationship. They rely on me for so much and my decisiveness and confidence, my ability to point in a clear direction gives them a sense of security. But I am often unsure of what to do.Read more

Parental Choreography- Goodbye Trouble by Ori Lenkinski

post image

“It can’t all be hard, you know. If nothing’s easy, you won’t know when something is actually hard,” she said.Read more

Two People and a Baby- Parental Choreography by Ori Lenkinski

post image

There is a common misconception that a woman becomes a mother and a man becomes a father the moment birth occurs. It is propagated in television shows and romcoms. Biologically, this is true. But in reality, it can take days, weeks, months and even years to make the transition.Read more

Coronaparenting: My First Time Working in One Place by Ori Lenkinski

post image

In an instant, all those plans went out the window as we shut our doors and locked ourselves inside for the foreseeable future.

I went from being a freelancer, a choreographer, dancer, journalist, teacher, text consultant and a few other things to the director of a modest, mixed-aged home school.

And the strange thing that I am experiencing these days is relief.Read more

The Morning After Buzzkill: Kids and Costumes by Ori Lenkinski

post image

Last year, at the end of the weeklong celebration of Purim, my older daughter declared that she would like to dress up as a character from Disney’s Descendants next year. For the other days, Famous Day, Pajama Day, Countries Day, we made a plan a week in advance. We knew exactly what she wanted to dress up as on each day. The night before the first dress-up day, we tried on her Frida Kahlo costume (which was gorgeous I must admit). She looked at herself in the mirror, beaming.

The next morning, as she was going to get dressed she said,
“I don’t want to dress up.”Read more

The Perception of Time in Dance and Parenting by Ori Lenkinski

post image

One of the things I love most about dance is the way it distorts my perception of time. On stage, time is stretched far beyond its usual limits. There is time for everything, for thinking, feeling, moving, connected, making decisions and renewal. A short piece can encapsulate an entire world if approached correctly. In his book Blink, Malcolm Gladwell writes of this phenomenon regarding athletes.
“The basketball superstar Larry Bird used to say at a critical moments in the game, the court would go quiet and the players would seem to be moving in slow motion.”Read more